A while ago I wrote a post where the end was about being the main actor of your own Life-book (Had enough of this life-part 2). You can find it in this section.
But it felt like the story was incomplete. Here are the final thoughts.
You shouldn’t only be the actor of your own life, you should have all other roles connected to your story. the writer, producer and projector. Take your life in your hands. Change path, face challenges and the unknown with excitement.
Transforming yourself is shifting your identity. This doesn’t mean refusing who you are but evolving and moving to a life with meaning and purpose, towards who you aim to become. Goals and objectives aren’t there for the pleasure of possession or achievements, but to make you learn and grow. Those goals and objectives will become mere steps, not obsessions. Shift your mindset from goals to themes, acknowledge and celebrate small steps. Live with intent and passion.
But negative events are heavier in our subconscient than the positives. We need 5 positive events to balance a negative one (same level of relevance). Our memory grabs much easier and faster negative memories than positive. That’s how we were “programmed”. Failure in school, in life, in marriage, in our jobs, friendships and so on. We might have lots of victories but at society eyes and our own standards, failure has much more impact in our lives than achievements. It doesn’t have to be that way.
Patterns suck, they limit and block your expansion and expression. But that’s what we’re always relating to. Patterns. Boxes. Categories. labels. They limit you and what you could become.
Don’t give negative events or experiences that power. Weight them, store them properly, never with higher relevance or “easier access” than positive events. Change the set up of your memory shelf. Store the positive memories on top.
You can redefine yourself. Go back to your childhood. worries? anxiety? problems? every day was a new day. You could have a fight with a colleague, next day you were playing with him again. Every day was a reset. What happened to that child? “commoditization”. We became products. We embeded rules and references provided by our external environment. The world becomes: Don’t, do, must, shouldn’t, should, right, wrong, criticism, not approved, not well perceived, succeed, political correct and so on. All these rules became alerts or blockers in our subconscient and they will make resistance when you attempt to redefine yourself. Properly backed up by fear. Fear that the current situation (even if mediocre or not exciting) is better than the risk of the unknown. Is it?
Any attempt to reinvent oneself must be whole and coordinated. You need to adapt your new self to the way you walk, think, breath, talk or behave. Take a moment to “see yourself”. Is your current “self” matching the person you envision to become? How does a soldier walks? How does a keynote speaker talks? How does a politician debates? (ok, politicians are bad examples as they are a tricky species). Their elements of identity are aligned with their personality.
You don’t need to change all your elements (depending on which reinvention you want to do to yourself). Want to have more self-esteem? Start walking tall, secure steps, not looking at the ground but head high. Not with your hands on the pockets. Put a smile on your face. Greet people passing by. Your brain will pick this signs and will shift to that state of mind. Your body will tell your subconscient “I have self-esteem”. It’s a small example, but the way we walk, our expression, our body, the way we breath, the way we move and talk, they can condition our inner self. It’s not (only) our state of mind that controls ourselves. We can reverse the flow by sending the right signs to our subconscient.
Try this: Breath short and quick for a bit. You’ll see your brain will put itself on alert or worry mode. The way we carry ourselves around are signs we send to our brain and it reacts upon it, conditions your state.
Reflect on empowering vs disempowering and take the control of the process. Build confidence before competence. The labels you put on yourself, shouldn’t be limits but enhancements. Empowering= equals to no limiting.
Don’t let issues, worries or problems define you. Take action when needed. Be on active mode. When you act, you drive your life, you drive the outcome. When you react, someone else is driving it.