Is there someone or some occasion that really touched you and you decided to embed in your behaviours or attitude?
Listening, pausing and knowing when and how to speak or intervene during a meeting or discussion. I embedded this habit from someone else and ever-since I use it not only at meetings or business discussions but also at personal level.
Being a big mouth and energetic (like most southern European people) I used to talk a lot. I still do. I love jokes, anecdotes, sayings, quotes, and so on. I’m always tempted to brake the ice and put the atmosphere at ease or show I’m not afraid to have my say. That is fine when tempered and adds something to the event, but it can be perceived as time waster, annoying or of no value for others in the room.
Anyway, during meetings or team discussions I was often jumping in with my comment when anyone was speaking or presenting. I used to add up something or complement their views. Wasn’t to show off, most of the times was pure curiosity, willingness to participate or showing I was fully engaged in the topic and discussion bringing something extra.
In many of those meetings there was a senior manager, who, by other hand was often quite. Just shaking his head here and there, smiling. But never, never intervening in the middle of anyone else speech or presentation. Never jumping in. Never rushing. Thou, he was the smartest guy in the room.
At the end of someone presentation or speech/idea, then with a low (but not too low) tone and excellent pace, he shared his thoughts. To the point. Bam. No superficial view or peripheral thoughts. He had the time and discipline to listen till the end and fully understand the other person point of view.
And every time I was in the room with this senior manager, I started to shut up and focus on his presence, attitude and behavior And it really blew me away.
Secure, serene, confident and in control. Not because he was smarter (and he was) or because he was a high ranking (and he was) but because he was listening. He wasn’t wasting other people time, he wasn’t braking other people line of thought. He was solely interested to hear anyone’s point until the end, so he could express his opinion in one shot, one good shot.
So I shifted my behavior from a big mouth (well I’m still a big mouth, but not when the others are talking) to a very good listener. I listen until the end. If I didn’t understood it properly I rephrase it with my wording and ask if that’s what he meant. I show respect, interest, and give people importance. I give them my time and attention. I try to do that not only at professional level but also at home and with my circle. Listen to understand, not to have an answer. I express my opinion in the end. Low tone of voice so I can be properly heard, low pace. No rushing, no in between expressions.
At home my kids hate when they’re saying something and my wife cuts them in the middle asking or talking about something else. Why does she does that? because she’s not an active listener. She’s not listening to understand but to answer or to switch topics of her preference.
I look from the distance and congratulate myself I learn that stuff. And I try to pass it on to my wife and kids.
Don’t copy anyone, but “stand in the shoulder of giants”. Adapt new habits to your own personality.
Be and active listener. Show genuine interest in people. Answer when you understand. As the old saying, “when you’re speaking you’re only repeating what you already know, when you listen/observe you might actually learn something new.