A while ago I wrote a post about the new year’s resolution and if you keep track of those resolutions, you can find it here in case you missed it: http://bit.ly/2coPNJr
As new year approaches I’m sure many will go grab that “ritual” of fooling themselves with “this time will be for good, I’ll build up and follow my new year’s resolution”
Besides what I’ve already said about the differences between a resolution and a mere wish, I’d like to touch base in another angle of the ritual, regardless if you go through it in December or if you decide at any point during the year that you want to change your life. You’re not happy where you are, you’re not happy with “who you are”, and you want to establish some goals to take you where you want to be or who you want to become.
When we start that process – normally related to habit change – it goes like an internal monologue: I’ll stop doing this, I’ll start doing that. If I do this I’ll reach that, if I continue acting like this I won’t attaint that.
The important here is to keep one thing very clear: where do you want to head. Where do you see yourself and who do you want to become. Write it down. Print it and put it on the wall of your bedroom. See yourself being “that” person. Feel it. Tell yourself “I’m that guy”.
Putting things on paper makes you feel accountable. If you have it only in your head, your mind will change along the way and you won’t feel bad about it. Having it written down, makes you feel you failed to yourself if you don’t stick to the promise and it will urge you to act.
So you come up with a list of habit changes, but as you think the list gets bigger and bigger. What is a simple objective becomes a big list of habits to embrace, change or stop doing. Very likely it will include the need of attitude and behavior change.
Baaamm. The excitement starts fading. The vision starts getting cloudy by the amount of things you have down on that paper. And you start wonder if you’ll ever will make it. What now? Do you drop it? Or how can you evolve without losing the grip and motivation when you have a big distant goal or a very long list of things to do to reach it?
Remember the “baby steps” process. First sit, than crawl, than walk, the run, than run like hell. One thing at the time. Celebrate the evolution along the way. Manage your expectations from the very begging. No illusions, there’s no quick fix to change you overnight. Managing expectations prevents disappointment at later stage.
Use Warren Buffet method or approach. Pick up your big list, from the 20 items you have there, select the most important 3. Forget all the rest. Thrown them out.
Focus on those 3, max 5 you believe are the most crucial to get you going.
When you’re working on those, most likely you’ll find other areas, passions or interests, that will sparkle your imagination and willingness to establish new goals or directions to go when you finish those you’re working now.
Enjoy the ride, the people you meet, places you go, tools you get to know, skills and knowledge you gather. Keep feeding the sparkle, by narrowing your focus in a few areas of change or small objectives linked to the bigger picture once in a while. Don’t define a big plan. Have a plan but then throw it out. Don’t become a hostage of a plan, it’s your life and as such, it’s a lively one. Remember the old saying, planning is everything, the Plan is nothing.
Forget the 5 year plan. God (regardless of which God you’re devoted) knows who you’re going to meet, things you’re going to find or discover, passions or interests you’ll awake and all that can change your course completely. Be open for the unexpected, don’t try to have everything under control because it will never happen.
The joy of setting goals or objectives isn’t necessarily on attaining those objectives but the journey to reach them. The objective in itself becomes only a kind of barrier you want to break down. Once you reach it or even along the way, you establish new ones. Because that’s what keeps you alive.
Let me add just two end notes:
Changing and evolving is the way to keep you alive, but don’t forget that learning and accepting to be yourself is less work than pretending or aiming to become someone else or someone you aren’t supposed to be.
Remember: Any decision without action is completely pointless and no decision at all.